Photo: Author supplied by Freedom Garvey

Leaders who take care of themselves lead higher functioning teams, make better decisions and role model healthy habits.

For years I, like many of you, I would run myself into the ground. The younger version of me would burn the candle at both ends until I’d burnout. I matured, my high achieving self, traded that lifestyle with work. My hours were long, my training regime tough, my mantra “go hard or go home”

This cycle went on for over two decades, until I watched my youngest son walking a path no parent ever wants to see their child travel down. It was heartbreaking, my partner Sunny and I intervened and we can proudly report he’s doing incredibly well.

At the time I felt like a failure, my most valuable lesson; challenging events bring with them seeds of growth. I now see the event as a gift that came to me terribly wrapped, it forced me to look at myself and how I was showing up in the world.

There was so much going on back then, my mother in-law had recently passed away, she had a range of medical and mental health issues that led her to being in poor health. My father’s dementia was progressing at a rapid rate. Dad was an SAS service man who lived for many years with undiagnosed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). He had a range of complex mental health issues. His lifestyle choices led him to type 2 diabetes and early onset dementia. Mum was caring for both my father and my grandmother, she spent most of her days in chaos with carers fatigue. My partner Sunny and I were in the midst of a financial crisis, working long hours to make ends meet, drinking daily to “wine down” as we’d call it. Our work was stressful and sedentary, we ate poorly and had no energy.

I remember one day looking around me and thinking “I’m surrounded by people not taking care of themselves and I’m one of them!” I knew I needed to step up, to support my son and be the role model he desperately needed. It was time to rewrite the story  and create new mantra. My new mantra:

“Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s an act of love for those you lead.

And so, the journey of self-care began, with my drafted map I set off on a trail of discovery. I met many wonderful mentors and guides along the way who shone a light when mine grew dim, showed me the way when I felt unsure and walked with me as I stumbled along.

Here’s top 10 non-negotiable self-care practices:

Move your body

Our bodies are designed for movement. As we’ve evolved, we’re moving less and paying a “hefty” price. You don’t have to spend hours in the gym or participating in workout you hate, in fact, I encourage you not to. Find a movement modality you love and begin reaping the rewards.

Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness is being present and engaged in what you’re doing, free from distractions and judgements. It’s being aware of your thoughts and emotions without getting caught up in them. For me, the practice of mindfulness and meditation has been a game changer, so much so it’s the heartbeat of my work and life. My experience isn’t unique, science now confirms what the monks and ancient yogis have known for centuries.

Spend time in nature

There’s strong scientific evidence for something most of us intuitively know to be true. Taking time out in nature for as few as 15 minutes a day makes us calmer, nicer, healthier people.  As a bonus you can combine my first 3 practices into one. For example, try walking in nature, take a moment to pause and notice the colours, listen to the sounds, feel the breeze in your face, touch the trunks of trees and notice the subtle differences. Take a moment to observe the taste in your mouth. You may like to find a place to sit, close your eyes for a moment and simply observe your breathing or anchor your thoughts with a mantra as simple as “I breathe in a full breath; I breathe out a full breath”

Nourishment

Do the foods you eat keep your energy levels sustained?

When life gets busy it’s easy is to forget to eat then grab whatever you can to fill the gap. These foods are usually high in sugar and or fat and offer no sustenance. Taking time plan and nourish your body with quality foods from their natural sources an essential in any self-care strategy.

Hydrate

Back then, there were days I didn’t drink a glass of water all day. At the end of the day I was spent, I’d have a headache and felt foggy.

My “wine down” was replaced with yoga sessions and when I got home mineral water in a wine glass made me feel like I was still pairing my evening meal with something special. To remind me to drink water throughout the day, I invested in a pretty water bottle. This served two purposes, to keep track of how much I was drinking and a challenge to fill it twice throughout the day to make 1.5 litres. The difference in how I felt, my concentration levels and how my skin looked was incredible.

Rest and Sleep

Are you taking time out to rest or do you see that as being lazy or a luxury you don’t have?

Is the sleep you’re getting sufficient and of quality?

Establishing a bedtime routine and allowing your body to rest when it needs to, combined with not working yourself to exhaustion is essential in managing your energy levels. We’re all different so get to know your limits, avoid screens and technology for at least 30 minutes before going to bed, try dimming the lights, taking a warm shower and create a relaxing environment.

Establish your boundaries

Boundaries are essential to living and working well, establishing them takes courage and commitment.

Part of establishing boundaries is knowing and understanding intimately what your limits are, being assertive, tuning into how you’re feeling physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually and knowing those red flags when you feel discomfort and resentment, they tell you a lot about your limits.

Spend time getting to know yourself

Take inventory of the things that trigger you and find healthier ways of dealing with them. Know what brings you joy and fills your cup, the activities you love doing but haven’t for whatever reason. Start to check in and listen to your body. If you’re tired, rest. If you’re hungry stop and have a meal or snack. If you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed take a break. If you’re a yes person, remind yourself, it’s ok to say no.

Surround yourself with people who inspire you

This can mean making some tough decisions and stepping away from working, social environments and relationships that no longer serve you. One of my favourite quotes is Jim Rohn’s:

You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

Practice self-compassion

Be kind to yourself and learn to be your own best friend. We often speak to ourselves in ways we would never speak to another. Give yourself permission to be perfectly imperfect and stand guard to the negative mental chatter within.

Where to from here?

I deliver a range of workplace wellness programs, coaching and workshops to help your organisation workWELL. WELL-being – a mindful experience of Yin Yoga and Sound Meditation for leaders in life who want to workWELL, liveWELL, beWELL.

Photo: Shutterstock

Leadership is a skill, a commitment to thinking, communicating and behaving in a way that empowers the people within your team to play to their strengths while showing them they are valued, heard and understood.

The COVID-19 pandemic has brought about many challenges, it’s impacted each and every one of us in unexpected ways.

For me, I have a business in tourism, Margaret Rivers’ wellness retreat, Chalet on Percheron  and a practice in speaking, presenting and coaching in workplace wellness. Two industries that have been majorly impacted during this time. After almost losing everything in 2008 during the GFC I made the decision to act quickly and return to work in the mining industry.

What I’ve seen and experienced during this time as a workplace wellness expert has been concerning. Some rosters became longer, there were dietary changes as the regular service and food options changed, working conditions were changing on an hourly rate. For many who live in other states of Australia or overseas, they found themselves spending their rest and recreation time in hotel rooms totally isolated during lockdown, trying to come to terms with the uncertainty of when they’ll be reunited with their families and loved ones.

One of the most frustrating and saddening things I’ve experienced and witnessed has been the inability of many leaders to lead with compassion during this time.

On a recent trip away, I was asked to facilitate a series of workshops on mindfulness and resilience. When I arrived at site, I was informed by the company I worked for that my workshops had been cancelled due to the new cleaning requirements. Instead of delivering programs in workplace wellness, which I was contracted to do I was assigned the task of cleaning and sanitising hourly.

Disappointed and frustrated I approached management to express my grievances, only to be told we were in “unprecedented times; I wasn’t looking at the bigger picture and that many other people didn’t have a job during this time.”

It’s fair to say these words only added to my disappointment and frustration and didn’t serve either of us in getting the best result for the residents in that mining village.

The picture I was seeing, was many people in need of stress management tools, ways to cope with the uncertainty they faced and a person to talk to, to hold space for them while they made sense of the situation. While cleaning and sanitising is an important task, in my view, anyone could do this task, while delivering wellness programs required a different skill set all together.

While I don’t hold that managers comments against him personally, as I believe he was communicating with me in the only way he knew how, I didn’t feel heard, valued or understood.

To leadWELL and get the best from your people it’s vital to lead with compassion.

So, what is Compassionate Leadership and how can you help your people to lead from their heart and head in a mindful way?

Compassionate Leadership has been developed from mindfulness, thanks to the  wonderful work of Jon Kabat – Zinn in Mindfulness – Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)

Unlike empathy (where you feel another person’s suffering even when its uncomfortable), compassion is more of an action that has 3 components to it:

1. Listen to understand
2. Empathising with another’s problem
3. An authentic desire to help

A compassionate leader knows and understands that every team member within the organisation is important, they seek to understand, influence and empower their people. They offer hope and inspiration while guiding, acknowledging and supporting team members to play to their strengths to enjoy work they’re passionate about and to show their people that they are the vital threads in the fabric of the organisation. A compassionate leader looks for ways to work together to create solutions to problems that arise.

Let’s take a deeper dive into the 3 components of compassion.

Listen to understand

We all love being listened to but few of us are very good at listening ourselves, we’re usually too busy thinking about what we’re going to say next, making judgements about what the person is saying or distracted by something else altogether.

When talking to your team, really listen to what they are saying, give them your full attention. Seek to understand everything they are saying without the need to minimise, listen to their perspectives, what motivates them and what’s getting in their way.

We feel it when someone is really listening to what we are saying, and we know when the listener has drifted off or is waiting for the opportunity to say their piece.

Empathising with another’s problem

Cultivate a culture of empathy. When empathy is demonstrated, defence mechanisms drop, trust builds, and healthy relationships are forged. Empathy softens the heart and mind opening the doors to productive communication.

Take time to find out more about your people, what interests them, what stokes the fire in their belly, learn more about things that have majorly impacted their lives. This demonstrates you care and helps your team to understand each other’s differences.

Authentic desire to help

Be brave and show your vulnerability. If something is out of your control, admit it. I knew that managers hands were tied, the issue was staff limitations and budget constraints.

We don’t always have the answers, but we can demonstrate a willingness to learn and find out. Be perfectly imperfect.

Know your strengths and weaknesses and help your team discover theirs. Empower your people to develop into the best version of themselves and allow them to grow professionally and personally. Lead from a space of abundance not scarcity, courage not fear and hope not despair.

Suspend your stories and judgements and maintain the understanding that we are all making our way through life in the best way we know how. The compassionate leader’s role is to help each person on their team find the giant sleeping within.

“Leadership is lifting a persons vision to higher sights, the raising of a persons performance to a higher standard, the building of a personality beyond its normal limitations.“ – Peter F. Drucker

Where to from here?

I deliver a range of workplace wellness workshops to help your organisation workWELL. LeadWELL – The 7 habits of healthy leadership a workshop for leaders who want to step up and play a bigger game.